Just KILL It!

"Killer Ked" makes break after Canadian SWAT team shoots 
unidentified High Top

Federal agents in Toronto, Canada managed to corner and bring down a violent run-and-hit-and-run sneaker this morning after a heated gun battle at a downtown Motel 6. Reports indicate the shoe, a "rightie" going by the moniker "Killer Ked," recently lost its mate in a domestic squabble, and had fallen on hard times: "He'd pound the pavement day after day," asserted a teal Nike flip-flop that shared living space with the alleged homicidal hightop, "That cat weren't no Loafer, nooo! Ked really burned rubber trying get on the right track, ya know? He'd looked for work till his tongue hung out, but nothing... not a sole would help him. Damn shame it came to this...  news gonna say, too, he lost it cause he was a closet cross-trainer, but that's bull****!"

The murderous moccasin ran afoul of police thanks to an anonymous tip (this reporter has it) from a pair of ratty spats. The police are refusing further comment until family members, and their respective footwear, can be notified. No motive has yet been released for why this lone sneaker went on a killing spree last week, gunning down six people at a local Foot Locker (or how it even fired a gun). YJD recently learned, however, that Ked may also have been given the boot--by a boot--a week previous.

In addition to "Killer Ked's" mate, the sneaker is survived by a pair of grey galoshes and his faithful "dogs" both mukluks. He leaves behind twin set of baby booties, still unbronzed.

"Lie and the world lies with you, sooth and you sooth alone" Y.J.