In Politics Today! Eye and Mouth of Sarah Palin Re-emerge After Ring Toss Fail!

With her blazing, All Winking Eye still 'a winking, the oft-misunderstood Dark Lord Horse Sarah Palin returned to her old form this week, giving a rousing speech in Madison, Wisconsin to hordes adoring of fans – all thrilled to see that Palin's enemies failed in their attempt to cast her back into the realms of (political) shadows.

I've got my Evil Winking Eye on you, America!

Dropping only occasionally into her native Black Tongue, Palin fully endorsed Governor Scott Walker’s pledge to curb Labor rights, renewed her pledge to support hard-working Americans, and assured her conservative supporters, half-bred goblin soldiers and undead acolytes that the pitiful attempt by a certain “liberal democratic Halfling fellowship” to throw her favorite high school “Power Ring” into the Cracks of Mount Ujakushatscht (an active volcano in Alaska, known in Common Tongue as Mount Redoubt) had failed utterly.

How it probably went down...

Palin gave special thanks to the one degraded, cannibalistic member of the Ring-tossing gang who, overwhelmed by the prettiness of the “precious” bauble—and recognizing his God-fearing, patriotic duty to stop this destruction—finally killed and devoured the “bleeding heart, flower-smelling, hippy midgets” before promptly restoring the beloved heirloom, a gift from the Dark One’s Mast Palin’s Great Grandmother, to its Rightful Owner.

“Gee whiz! I know it’s just a little Ring,” said the darkness-enshrouded Palin, to the gleeful hissing of her Wraith-y entourage. “The least of Rings, really; but now that I have it back, I feel assured ash nazg that I can finally reverse these libelous misrepresentations of my ‘blood libel’ comment, take the Presidency durbatulûk in 2012 and see ash nazg that Númen America once again rises to gimbatul its former glory. Pew Pew!”

This is how I can see Russia from my doorstep, BITCHES!

When asked if she thought her impending installment in the White House heralded some kind of new age, like a Fourth, maybe? She laughed girlishly, did her characteristic coquettish wink and finger gun shooting gesture, and gutturally muttered something to the effect of burzum-ishi krimpatul…

Democrats, Political Commentators, and High Elf luminaries have refused comment on this curious turn, though one Vanyar lobbyist boldly declared that the world was now truly lost. “We thought the lands of purity and justice had only base mortal Michelle Bachman to contend with now -- the Worm Tongue of Capitol Hill, if you will -- but with The Evil One re-invoked…? I fear that's it truly time to diminish, to fade into the West… or maybe Canada.”

Ostensibly a hero, the degenerate, pro-Palin turncoat is thought to have disappeared right after returning Palin's treasure. “Probably to go back to his family,” said one of Palin’s Witch King aides. Maybe, but an anonymous Guantanamo official tells it different. Seems a new prisoner, described as a hunchbacked, obviously psychotic deviant who self-identifies as “Precious,” has become a minor sensation down Gitmo way. “He mutters to himself constantly,” said the official, “thinks he’s invisible, and tries to eat the other detainees, but otherwise he’s a model inmate.

Courtesy FreakingNews.com 2011

“I’m not sure, but I think he might be George W. Bush…”