This Just In! Filmic "Wikileaks" uncovers disturbing "Lucy and the Football" trailer-to-movie initiative.

Wikisnitch, an obscure TV-and-film wikileaks clone, released one of its most shocking (and first) finds late night Sunday, April 2, 2011: A movie-studio document detailing a sickening initiative to intentionally greenlight awful films, counting on one or two well-crafted trailers to lure unsuspecting victims into theaters. And according to the document, this insidious trend has been going on for decades.   

“Hollywood has known for years that audiences are weak, stupid losers,” said a wild-eyed blathering, but credibly anonymous wikisnitch source (kaffchucksheenkaffkaff). “British super-winner James Bond… it probably started there. But ever since Star Wars I, II, and III, it has been the rule. Tiger-blooded, Mars-God brother Lucas knew it. Fuck, that winning Warlock Michael Bay depends on it!”

This is your Brain on the Transformers II Trailer... 

The document, entitled the Lucy Van Pelt Memorandum, suggests that a deceptively attractive lure, like a highly kickable football or an aforementioned Bay film trailer, when dangled before 95 percent of Americans, will compel them—despite awareness of crippling past dupes often numbering in the dozens or even hundreds—to rise to the challenge and give the football, or film, one more chance. The initiative is clearly inspired by Charlie Brown’s evil nemesis, Lucy, who reliably, injuriously, humiliates Brown by offering to hold a football for him to kick, only to retract it without fail at the very last minute.

“Violent disaster for that Earthworm Brown is never in doubt,” said Char the source. “He falls for the dupe like he’s winning on losing. And see, that’s all America, too; sorry, but I have to say it – seriously, would there be a Transformers III otherwise?

This is your Brain seeing Transformers II.
Any Questions?

Basement-dwelling trolls are stealing from their parents like mad to get fucking lightsabers, all paying for Lucas’ Ewok-costumed-hooker addiction--he buys those tiny bitches by the dozen like furry eggs. That’s the violent football-swiping, back-busting truth!

“No one but me sees what a superior brain is at work here, getting them—the public, I mean—all to just love an inferior product, and for immortal eternity, you get me; forever! They all see they’re losers, they feel it in their non-tiger blood, you get me? So when that next trailer comes, they almost have to say, 'I’m so all over that—that’s Vatican Assassin Awesome!!!!' Then the goods come, and bam, like anti-Adonis DNA; like an unexploded torpedo, and they—the public—and just can’t process that, they don’t want to, so they line up for another kick!”

Sources at YJD could neither confirm the legitimacy—nor the much of the comprehensibility—of the previous quote.

Major Hollywood studios have all released statements denying the existence of any such initiative (a separate statement from Troma films ruefully denied knowledge of the initiative, only to assume credit for it hours later). Warner Brothers intends to legally pursue the Wikisnitch founders for this “alleged, malicious slander,” and Michael Bay has been seen in the vicinity of the wikisnitch offices, along with a pair of his snow-white leopards and a giant hummer-shaped robot.

In amusingly related news. As of last Monday, the incidence of famous Charlies trending “football still unkicked” more than doubles!

Back up to you, Chuck!