THIS JUST IN! Skilled "under the table" negotiator Bill Clinton in N.Korea to rally for journos' release

Bill Clinton (near center) and Kim Jong-il (over there) share a 
bawdy joke.

Dateline... more amazingly near North Korea than you think.

Y.J. reporting live, on the scene from his living room, watching the news that Former President and cigar miscategorizer Bill Clinton has finally negotiated a pardon for twin Chinese or something journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee.

Extremely reliable and virtually official heresay confirms that Clinton was initially invited to talks with wizened, myopic and comfortably effeminate North Korean potentate Kim Jong-il after being mistaken for former President Jimmy Carter; a brief, hostile exchange ensued five hours into the negotiations once the keen "Ms." Kim "instantly" recognized the former prez for who he was, but Clinton managed to turn the distraction to his advantage, and even close the deal for the journos' pardons, after assuring the 123-year-old Korean leader that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton could be made available for "secret services" work should talks bear fruit.

Clinton, though smiling over his success like a man "clutching a newly dry-cleaned office dress," was later said to assert that "Mistress Hill" would not enter North Korean airspace until the provocatively come-hither Ling (above) and mildly lantern-jawed Lee (less above) were confirmed to have left the country.

In a gesture of good faith, Clinton did leave Kim with care package including the requested terms of the pardon, along with a pair of "gently used" lace panties, monogrammed with an "H", and one long leather glove.

Rumors also circulated that President Barrack LaBama... O'bamba? something... secretly sent a personalized message with Clinton to deliver to the 2-foot-6 tall Ms. Kim. White House spokesman Robert Gibbs flatly denied the report, though he was rumored to have said later that an informal message had been sent, only that missive was from mildly Down Syndrome afflicted former honorary president Georgie Bush. This message is alleged to include a bold plan to make South Korea into an island, and is peppered with such phrases as "critical mass," "to f^@%!ng atoms" and "kaboom!" The terms "squinty prunefaced four-eyed g---," "at the bottom of the f^@%!ng China Sea," or "mountains of glowing dead" could not be confirmed to have been included, despite sources' (DICK Chaney, et. al.) anecdotal assertions to the contrary.

Neither Mistress Hillary Clinton nor Chaney could be reached for comment... although many South Koreans, skeptical of Kim's integrity, and sanity, are currently speculating on land values north of Cheorwon.

More on this story as it can be colorfully elaborated upon...

News: It stinks both before and after you wrap the fish...